So I’m about to call my nana. I’ve already re-read the letter that she sent me and I realized that I haven’t written her back yet. And the letter she sent was postmarked in April. I feel just a tizzle bit odd about calling her. And then springing upon her the dilemma I have with my week off. Which just so happens to be next week.

 

I figure that I should explain our relations to each other since she isn’t talked about very much. She’s my God mother. Meaning anything happens to my mum then it would be between her and my other god mother to take me in. She is of the Caucasian race, and I blend right in with her family. The black sheep if you will.

 

But no one ever looks at me like that. They hear my voice and its like, ‘OMG. She speaks so perfectly. I wouldn’t have known-‘I have that affect on people. I have to update her on my plans for college also. Instead of going to college near my home in Atlanta, I plan to go to the other side of the country. Maybe in Washington. Or Vermont. Or somewhere up north. If I do that, I can get away from the problems that I have here. So I will finish this after the call. I expect it to go to the answering machine since it’s the day of Christian Mass.

 

Just as expected she didn’t answer. So I left a very awkward voice message for her. Just the simple ‘Hey this is Bianca. Just calling. I’ll probably call you back at a more decent time. Or you can call me back at (insert my phone number here.)’ By decent time, I meant around 12 to 3 p.m. that’s usually around the time Christian Mass lets out right? Well, I have to use the restroom facility, so this will be finished upon her calling me back or whenever I can get a hold of her.

 

So now, three hours later, she called back. The conversation was just as awkward as I expected. Though, she sounded a little irritated that I hadn’t written her in god knows how long. I simply find it very awkward sending her letters because she expects my writing to be perfect. And I’m only human meaning that I can’t do something perfectly.

 

I hinted that I wanted to spend time with her while I was out of school for a week. And she mentioned that she was in Florida. But I think she figures that I’m trying to use her. Frankly I’m not. I simply want to spend time with her the way I used to when I was a child. A smaller child at least. So who knows what will happen. Hopefully something good.

I'd rather go it alone. No use in getting my friends sick. And I'm usually forced to go to school even when I'm sick.

You know that this is very weird for me. Talking on the phone with my father. As I was sitting there, sipping at my coffee, and occasionally taking a bit out of the jelly rolls, I found how different we are. I found that his view on everyone else affects his views on me. His other daughter just recently had a child. His niece is in labor. And he figured that he should preach to me about how terrible things are and other stuff.

 

But he doesn’t really know me. He was surprised that I knew his birthday was in November. He thinks my birthday is in June. When it is clearly in July. He was surprised when I gave him my view on the friendship system. How cynical I had become. But really there aren’t a lot of factors to blame. There’s the fact that I’m in a bad mood that he would assume that I was simply going to have a child (I don’t think I will. Especially when there are fathers like him around), and he becomes sad and insulted when I tell him that he needs to be fit into my schedule.

 

Call me mean. But he never had time for me. And karma always did slap you in the face. And so she has done to me. My coffee is cold and bitter. I don’t have enough money and im too young to get a good job. Or a job at all. I’m tired. And frankly, he had it coming. Never caring when I was young. And yes, there is a lot of hate built up inside of me. No, I don’t have an outlet other than typing for said anger. I don’t have my books with me or anything. I don’t even have web.

 

For now, I will save this document and finish it later. Maybe vent about why I cried my self to sleep yesterday night? I highly doubt it. Things like that only haunt my mind. I don’t think those shall ever in time be vented either. Maybe to my husband when I wake up crying. But once again, I highly doubt that. It’s not my place to recall the tragedies of my life. Not my place to post it over the web on my not even known website or my live journal. It’s simply just not my place.

 

So now is the finishing part. The circumstances are slightly the same, me sipping at my coffee eating jammed bread. But the difference is that I’ve been asleep for almost 12 hours. No one else is awake. I’ve cleaned the kitchen slightly (floors vacuumed) and now I’m simply finishing up this post. It should be posted by later on tonight or early morning tomorrow.

 

The only things that need to be done for today are probably,,,, writing a new chapter for the stories that are on my laptop. Packing up to go back to my own home. Getting ready for academy tomorrow. And that should be about it. So laterss.

So I started a live journal a couple days ago. But I never said anything to it or anyone that looked me up. (Don't really know why anyone would look me up though.) I might only use this site to post the weird interviews that go on between my friends and I. I won't really say how weird said interviews are but hey, you'll probably find out soon any way.

So until I get a view viewers on all of my sites, I might just look up some things that my dad and I could do. Some of the stuff that I saw is a little much like "Take your daughter out to the closest big city and take her shopping all day then check into a hotel and stay the night" Now, I have nothing against this, It sounds like a totally awesome thing to do. But most people can't afford to do this. So why not just wash a car together or do something for free?

But then when I asked my real dad when he was coming up to where I live he said he did not know. I told him why I asked and he said that it touched him that I was concerned with doing things with him. But then I told him I only looked the stuff up because I was gonna hang with my step dad since my bestie blew me off. (And yes, I'm still mad at you) Then he got mad. But I don't know why. All I said was that I did not look it up on his behalf.